its mid-week

1. A wife went to the police station with her next
door neighbor to report that her husband was
missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said, 'He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark
eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs
185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the
children.'

The next-door neighbor protested, 'Your husband
is 5 foot 4 inches, chubby, bald, has a big
mouth, and is mean to your children.'

The wife replied, 'Yes, but who wants HIM back?'

2. A telemarketer was taking a survey. He told the
woman on the line, "I represent a number of
vaseline companies and we're doing a survey of the
many uses of vaseline in the home. Would you mind
taking a few moments and telling me how you use
our product ?"

She said, "We use it for cuts, dry skin, chapped
lips and sex."

The marketer undaunted pushed on, "Uh, would you
mind explaining how you use it for sex ?"

"Simple. I put it on the door-knob - it keeps the
kids out of the room."

3.Q. How many times can you subtract the number 5
from 25?

A. Only once, then you are subtracting it from 20