bright thursday morning. . . .

1. This guy walks into his doctor's office and
tells the Doc he has a major problem. The Doc
asked, "What is it?"

The man said he can not have sex.

"Why," asked the Doc.

The man replied, "My penis is too long and no
woman will go to bed with me."

The Doc said, "Let me take a look."

The man rolled his pants down and the Doc
almost fainted. 25 inches of penis. The Doc
said, "Sorry but I know of no medical procedure
that will help. But, at the edge of town there
is a witch who might be able to cast a spell on
you."

Dejected the man left the office and said to
himself--nothing ventured nothing gained and
off to the witch he went. He told her of his
problem and she too wanted to see. She said
"WOW there is no spell I can cast that will help.
But, if you go behind my house into the woods,
You will eventually reach a pond. On the far
shore you will see a big ugly frog. Ask her to
marry you. If she says NO and it works, Your
penis will shrink by 5 inches."

The men left and walked and sure enough he found
the pond and low and behold there was the frog
on the far shore. He yelled, "Hey frog, will you
marry me?"

She replied "NO!"

He felt a tingle rolled his pants down and was
amazed. His penis shrunk to 20 inches. He said to
himself, great!!! This worked but it is still too
long. He yelled again, "Hey frog, will you marry
me?"

The frog replied --NO! He felt the tingle again
and sure enough it shrunk by additional 5 inches
to 15. He said to himself, that’s great but still
not enough. He yelled again. "FROG, will you
marry me?"

The frog replied:
NO! NO! NO! for the last time.

2. A very elderly couple went to see a lawyer.

They were ushered gently into the lawyer's inner
office, and sat across the desk from the attorney
who was studying the couple's papers.

He looked up after a moment. "How can I help you
today, Mr. and Mrs. Watson?"

The woman piped up in a thin, reedy voice. "We've
come to get your help in filing for a divorce."

"A divorce?" The lawyer was stunned. "If you
don't mind my asking, how old are you two?"

"I'm 98 and my husband just turned 101."

"Let me get this straight. It says here you've
been married since 1917. The two of you
obviously aren't going to be around too many more
years. Why a divorce, after all this time?"

"Well," said the woman, "we wanted to wait until
the children were dead."

3. A guy comes up to a woman at the office and he
tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman
immediately goes to her supervisor to file a
sexual harassment suit. The supervisor says,
"What’s wrong with someone telling you that your
hair smells nice"? The woman replies, "he’s a
midget".

4. A guy moves into an apartment complex. He's
putting his name on his mailbox when he hears a
door open in the hall. He glances towards the
door and sees a gorgeous woman dressed only in
a bathrobe come out. He tries not to look at her
as she gets her mail, but she engages him in
conversation.

As they talk she turns to look down the hall and
her robe opens slightly and he notices she is
wearing only the robe. They talk a little more,
and she says, "Shhh, I think I hear somebody
coming. Could we continue this conversation in
my apartment?" He agrees to this. As they talk in
her apartment, she moves and her robe falls to
the floor and he gets a good eyeful.

She then says, "Now that you've had a good look,
what do you think is the best part of my body?"

He says, "Your ears."

She replies, "My ears? Look at these breasts,
look at this butt, look at my pussy. How can
you say my ears?"

He replied, "Remember in the hall when you said
you heard somebody coming? That was me!"

5. John Wayne has been riding the trail all day and
decides he fancy's a bit of womanly loving. So he
rides into the nearest town and goes into the
whore house.

The madam comes across to him and says,
"Welcome, in this establishment we have two rates,
the women up the stairs are $100 the women down
stairs are $50, which would you like?"

So John decides what the hell lets go for the $100
upstairs woman, and away he goes....

Once John is finished and fully satisfied he asks
the girl why the differing rate and the girl
says...

"Let me show you, go and kneel in the corner with
your hands together as if you were praying." so
John does this, next the woman comes across and
slips her pussy over his hands and says..

"Now, clap your hands!"

"I can't", says John

The whore replies, "Well you could downstairs!"