1. There were three men who were lost in the
forest. They were then captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king then told
the prisoners that they could live if
they pass the trial. First step of the
trial is to go to the forest with the
cannibals and get ten pieces of the same
kind of fruit.
So all three men went separate ways to
gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the
king, "I brought ten apples."
The king then explains the trial to him.
You have to shove the fruits up your ass
without any expression on your face or
you'll be eaten. The first apple went
in.. but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so the savages fell upon him and
devoured him.
The second one arrives and shows the king
his ten fruits were berries.
When the king explained the trial to him
he thought to himself that this should be
easy.
1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8...
on the ninth berry he suddenly burst out
in laughter. Summarily he was rended limb
from limb and eaten.
The first guy and the second guy met in
heaven. The first one asked, "Why did
you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The second one replied, "I couldn't help
it.. I looked up and saw that the third
guy coming with an armload of watermelons."
2. A couple of blondes were driving through
Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them
they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all
the way there about how to pronounce the name of
the town.
Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting
their food, one of the blondes said to the
cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us?
Very slowly, tell us where we are."
The cashier leaned over the counter and said:
"Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg"
3.A gang of bikies walk into a bar, and order a few
drinks each. After 10 minutes or so, one of them
notices a small man, approximatly in his 30's,
slightly over weight and balding. He whispers to
the others, and they all start to walk slowly over
to the table at which he is sitting. Finding him
vulnerable and defenseless, they begin to tease
him. Some poke him with their forks, others dip
their cigarettes into his coffee, all while
laughing at him. The small man says nothing
however, he simply gets up and walks out the door
of the bar.
One member of the bikie gang, watches all of this
with amusement, and says to one of the girls
behind the counter,
"He wasn't much of guy was he!"...
She paused for a moment, while looking out the
window of the bar. Finally she responded,
"Nah, not much of a driver either, he just backed
over 8 motorbikes in his semi-trailer"
4. A few days after Christmas, A mother was working
in the kitchen listening to her son playing with
his new electric train set in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said "all of
you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the
hell off now, because this is the last stop. And
all of you sons of bitches that are getting on,
get your asses in the train cause were leaving".
The mother went in and told her son, we don't use
that kind of language in this house. Now I want
you to go into your room for two hours. When you
come out, you can play with your train, but I
want you to use nice language.
Two hours later, the son comes out of his bedroom
and resumes playing with his train. Soon the
train stopped and the son mother heard the son
say, "All passengers who are disembarking the
train, please remember to take all of your
belongings with you. We thank you for riding with
us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one.
We hope you will ride with us again soon. For
those of you who are just boarding the train,
we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage
under the seat, remember there is no smoking
except on the club car. We hope you have a
pleasant and relaxing journey with us today".
"For those of you who are pissed off with the
two hour delay , please see the bitch in the
kitchen."
5.
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